For the past few weeks I have been evaluating the progress and growth of the ministry; the good things we have done, but also the mistakes we have made. I have come to the realization that we will have to change a few things to be better stewards of what the Lord has called us to do and in other places we must just push thru. But every now and then there are a few tough days that you are just not prepared for.

Today was one of those days. It makes me think of the things that have happened here in Swaziland; things that want to stop me in my tracks, things that make me feel like running away; running away from this ministry, the people, this culture, this country. I immediately was reminded of little Mamba that was hanged by his stepfather, or the little baby boy that was found this week in a long drop toilet (the toilets we have at most of the care points; a big and deep hole in the ground with a toilet seat on top) down in Nsoko, or the mom sleeping with her two children in the rain after her house was blown down by a storm, or the conversation I had this morning with a mother of 7 children that just do not see an alternative to selling her body to provide for her children.

I felt so hopeless for her as she, for the first time in a long time, broke down and laid everything on the table. She is a widow and she has 7 children; all of whom comes to one of our care points. Four of her children she got after her husband died when she gave herself to try to make ends meet. Today I saw a mom that is at the end of her rope; a mom that is beyond desperate to try to do better so that her children would not be sent home from school for steeling other kids' food ... because their last meal was the previous day at the care point. A mom who wants her children to be safe, warm and dry in their home. A mom who feels she is all alone and has nobody to talk to about her struggles, a mom that is blaming herself for the bad decisions she has made after her husband past away. A mom that knows she is a bad example for her older kids, because they know and see what she does.

 I saw a mom who wants to change; a mom who, even in the most difficult circumstances, has not abandoned her children. I saw a mom who wants to do better; a mom who wants to leave her children a legacy. I saw a mom who is ready to make a desperate change in her as well as her children's lives. I saw a mom who is looking for just one opportunity to be better . . . in a country that has very few opportunities; a country that is hard and on its last legs if big change does not come. I cried with her as I listened and felt helpless. I know we are called to help the widow and the orphan, but how do I help her? What can we do for her right now and how do we help her without doing more damage? How do we help to bring a long term solution, not just bring temporary relief? Yes, we are feeding her kids, and yes, they come for discipleship and we have made sure her kids are in school, but how do we help her to get beyond a point of just surviving? A point where she will have pride in being a good mom?

I do not have all the answers, but I also don't feel like we are not 'getting it done'. As a ministry we are still moving and growing towards a place where we can be of help to a mom like this. We are not there yet, but it is coming. I have a deep faith in God's character, and I know that He loves this mom like He loves anyone of us.  And I need to trust that God will take this mom and the little help we can give and multiply it. I am reminded again today that this is God's ministry and only He can make a way. God has been working in the hearts of so many people and we would not have been able to accomplish what we have without these people. God has not forgotten the people of Swaziland; He is actively continuing to bring His plan for this beautiful country to pass through every person that is involved in this ministry. It is my prayer that people will not lose their hearts for this ministry and for these people and stop being the hands and feet of Christ here.

Today was a tough day, but it was a tough day with Hope. I choose to not let the hopelessness of situations overwhelm me. I choose to believe in God's grace and provision! I choose to believe that God will bring the people of this nation to a place where they will not just survive, but to a place of fullness and a place of life. I choose to believe that God will help us, so that Africa can take care of Africa.